no one ever taught me how to be a girl
i only know how to be a set of thoughts
attached to eyes
that take in just a little bit of the world.
no one ever taught me how to do this stuff – i had to figure it out from tv, from clothing on hangers
headless department store bodies with cocked hands on hips
i used to hold their other, dangling fingers in mine
pretending they were my mother
i read books but they never had girls in them that i could relate to
they had women
or older ladies, unsexualized, magical
with all the answers.
i used to think i would wake up at some point and have adult thoughts, eat adult food, wear adult things.
somehow that switch never got flipped,
and i missed the boat (if there is one).