surfacing (draft)

by mickharris

coming up for air for a moment at the new job (grant writer!) in the midst of learning all sorts of cool stuff about the environment

 

to post here.

my heartbeat is a visitor, mostly

i know it’s always there, pumping away

but i only check in once a month or so

like a call to a relative you’ve been trying to put off

hi there how’s the weather?

how are your hips in all this cold?

are you considering moving into a safer neighborhood?

 

it checks in more often with me, though,

reminding me when i turn over at night what it can do

how hard it has to work

to keep me going

 

it doesn’t seem like something that can hold

all of the work it does.

it shrinks in one place to bulge in another

taking in blood

spitting it out

an orchestrator during the worst rush hour traffic in the world

 

i’ve seen diagrams that paint it as elastic, something fluid and dynamic

but i know it’s a muscle

and you break those down to make them stronger.

mine does a lot of heavy lifting

it should be in the olympics

snatching fear

powerlifting ten mack truckloads of anxiety in

silent

powerful

displays of prowess the likes of which the sleaziest carnival in history has never seen

 

it’s a trooper

to say the least.

but i still only call about once a month

to say oh hi hey how’s it going

you still down there?

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