i told you

by mickharris

tw for domestic violence mentions

 

 

i told you to run

you said okay now i’m in the barn

i said where is your bag, do you have it?

no, it’s in the house

can you go get it?

not right now.

i’m going back in, you said.

can you go later tonight?

i don’t know.  maybe.

please.  i begged you, raising my voice.  please just go now.  your stuff doesn’t matter.  you can get more stuff.  just go while you can.

i’m going back in the house.

 

i drove down the road where he works

i think i did it on purpose and i saw him, and i pulled over and then it’s like this fog descended

and i went back with him

she says it like a question, wondering

asking me why – and i don’t know so instead of

helping

listening

i say why did you do that? and i cry.

 

i left, i got my bag and left and i’m on my way to _____’s right now

i’m gonna stay with him for a few days

i talk you to sleep

wherever you are, because now i know you weren’t with ______

but i don’t know where exactly.

maybe with him, lying in bed, staring at him while talking to me

him nodding at you, good girl, you’re saying the right things.

 

i talk you to sleep and i don’t hear from you for two weeks

so i send you an email about what a bad friend you’ve been to me

which is what you should do when your best friend is in an abusive relationship about to turn even further south

obviously

that’s definitely the way to go.

i talk about how hurt i am that i don’t hear from you

how irresponsible you are

me me me me

you you you

 

i get a form letter back

that our friendship isn’t healthy

sounds like it was written in therapy

(i hope it was, not by him)

and i write back yeah like you do and i say okay well here you go if that’s how you want it

spite.

all spite.

i apologize after, but it’s too late.

 

snip and the line is

cut.

 

and you’re gone now, off to canada i think with him, or maybe just where you were

maybe sneaking breaks in the barn to text someone else

if you still talk to anyone else

i hope you do.

 

it doesn’t have to be me

(i wish it was)

 

please, just go.

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