mouths

by mickharris

it’s interesting that i open my mouth so often and yet i can barely remember what it is i say

oh i’m sure it was brilliant, mind

something amazing and cutting and witty

the likes of which you’ve hardly ever heard in your life

peasant

but

i simply can’t recall what

the brilliance

was

inside: holy shit that was stupid i can’t believe i just said that are they staring at me, did i just mispronounce that word, fuck i did, didn’t i, it was one of those oh i read this in a book and i dropped it in conversation stupid things that i did wrong and now i’ll look like a total idiot for the rest of my life anyway fuck this guy he’s stupid too stupider than me even so who cares, but i do.  holy shit that was stupid.

it’s easy to forget that change takes time

that nothing is born overnight

and more often it’s a continual process

that has to begin each day

like the last one didn’t matter

(because it doesn’t)

it’s easy to stand and proclaim that i am tired of being angry all the time

until i get my period

or until i get mad

or until i’m tired

or someone says something stupid

or someone pisses me off

and then it’s off to the races, again.

i talk a lot lately and not only does no one listen, because no one is around to do so, but it doesn’t mean anything

it’s just angry words bouncing around

mental ricochet

and i wonder why i’m so unhappy.

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