it’s interesting that i open my mouth so often and yet i can barely remember what it is i say
oh i’m sure it was brilliant, mind
something amazing and cutting and witty
the likes of which you’ve hardly ever heard in your life
i simply can’t recall what
inside: holy shit that was stupid i can’t believe i just said that are they staring at me, did i just mispronounce that word, fuck i did, didn’t i, it was one of those oh i read this in a book and i dropped it in conversation stupid things that i did wrong and now i’ll look like a total idiot for the rest of my life anyway fuck this guy he’s stupid too stupider than me even so who cares, but i do. holy shit that was stupid.
it’s easy to forget that change takes time
that nothing is born overnight
and more often it’s a continual process
that has to begin each day
like the last one didn’t matter
(because it doesn’t)
it’s easy to stand and proclaim that i am tired of being angry all the time
until i get my period
or until i get mad
or until i’m tired
or someone says something stupid
or someone pisses me off
and then it’s off to the races, again.
i talk a lot lately and not only does no one listen, because no one is around to do so, but it doesn’t mean anything
it’s just angry words bouncing around
and i wonder why i’m so unhappy.