things i learned at awp

by mickharris

i am really horribly lonely, or perhaps it’s the anticipation of loneliness that i know might be coming.  will be coming.

there’s a way in which i project my social anxiety out into the world that does not allow me to take responsibility for it and make good decisions to not listen to it sometimes

i really need to feel earth under my hands.  i am drawn more toward sand now than forest earth but that will do, too.  i need to be a wild creature for just a little bit.  unchain and unclench this fucking knot of years of second, side, shunted psyche in my belly.

then perhaps the weight will begin to move.  or i will begin to move.

the reason i treat myself like a receptacle is because i value myself so little.

the reason i value myself so little is because i have spent the past ten years in close relationships that privilege just about everyone else’s feelings and situations above my own.

this pattern continues.