things i learned at awp
i am really horribly lonely, or perhaps it’s the anticipation of loneliness that i know might be coming. will be coming.
there’s a way in which i project my social anxiety out into the world that does not allow me to take responsibility for it and make good decisions to not listen to it sometimes
i really need to feel earth under my hands. i am drawn more toward sand now than forest earth but that will do, too. i need to be a wild creature for just a little bit. unchain and unclench this fucking knot of years of second, side, shunted psyche in my belly.
then perhaps the weight will begin to move. or i will begin to move.
the reason i treat myself like a receptacle is because i value myself so little.
the reason i value myself so little is because i have spent the past ten years in close relationships that privilege just about everyone else’s feelings and situations above my own.
this pattern continues.