11/21 – the grief body no longer wants to exist among so many others, because its voice is already small, and it is also selfish. it wants all of my attention the better everything else feels. it retreats for the winter with dire promises and huddles in the cold. it blames me for not feeding and watering it properly. care instructions ignored. why did you lose all of that fat, it wants to know. sullen. we needed that.
for later. for just in case.
what do we need protection from?
what are we protecting?
it can’t answer/it never knows.